Coping with Grandparents on the other side of the world

Have you been living abroad for what seems like forever and never been visited by your parents?  I have a great solution for you:  have a baby!

I flew the coop back in 2006 (incidentally I was going to England for a year to have a look around and maybe see some of Europe and be home by somewhere mid-2007 to move to Perth and become the World’s Best Tour Guide) and in all the time I had been abroad, I had had two family encounters.  One was my Truly Great Aunt (TGN) who flew from South Africa to deliver my wedding ring.  Actually that is a lovely story all on its own.  The TGN had always worn her grandmother’s (my great grandmother) wedding ring and had promised that she would pass it on to me if ever the time came (which I doubt anybody ever expected) and she decided that the best way to ensure it arrived safely would be to accompany it.  She arrived on a rainy day in December – I doubt she could have picked a crappier time to visit the Netherlands, and stayed a couple of weeks.  It was some of the best times I’ve had in my four year stint living here so far.  I have two TGNs and to be perfectly honest, they are probably my favourite people in the world.  Sorry everyone else, I do love you too!

But, back to the story at hand...  The other family visitor was my grandmother.  We had originally planned for her to come and stay with us for a couple of weeks, but that evolved into a few days one side of a Grand Tour of Europe and eventually into an afternoon in Amsterdam and dinner at our house before swanning off to the Rhineland and beyond with her BFF.

But my parents...  I had never really dreamed that my parents would visit.  My mum has struggled my entire life with her health and my dad is always so busy with work that it was like a dream that was sure to never come true.  Little did I know that all I had to do was get myself pregnant and they would fall over themselves to book flights!  My dad was so keen that he had two fifteen hour stopovers on the way here and back.  My mum had never left Australia and because she is possibly the friendliest person on Earth, made loads of friends on the flight over.  I’m surprised that none of them turned up on my doorstep while she was here!

In the middle of January this year we were so convinced that winter was over (especially after our 14 degree Christmas!) that when Mum arrived we were all hideously underprepared for the icy front that would hit and linger for three weeks.  Some of the coldest weather in Northern Europe in years apparently, people dropping like flies – it was awful.  I’d sent her into my all time favourite store – Kathmandu – to pick up all her winter supplies, but it really wasn’t enough!  The poor woman had to go out and buy a second winter coat to avoid freezing to death.

Anyway.  My parents trekked across the planet upon the birth of Gorgeous Raina, and then eventually had to return home to reality.  Since then we have all had to learn to cope with them being “Skype Grandparents.”  As often as we can we will have a Skype session (thank goodness for my iPad) where they can look at and coo over Raina, but it’s less than ideal.

For everybody’s sake, I miss that they can’t be close by to see her growing like a weed and they miss all of the milestones.  First time rolling over; first solid food (and the related first solid poo!); first time crawling; the list goes on.  And on.  Thank goodness I had the foresight to buy Maarten a fancypants digital SLR while I was pregnant.  The damned thing hasn’t been switched off since February.  If you’re interested there are even some arty* shots of the birth....

And Facebook of course.  If it wasn’t for us being over-sharing STFU Parents (well I do believe I’m slightly less offensive than the majority of submissions on that site) posting about every little meal, smile and poo, my parents wouldn’t get to see anything.  Maarten has told me that on the odd occasion that he hasn’t posted a food photo, he has been bailed up by colleagues to find out why.  Facebook has been by far the best way to share with my parents as much as possible.

All of this is by far the biggest reason that I am counting the days until I go to Australia.  My parents will get so share in some of the milestones, finally!  First Christmas, and hopefully first steps (obviously I have a wonderchild who will walk at ten months).  I’m not sure if they’re too concerned about me returning home to be honest.  I think they would probably be just as happy if I popped Raina on a plane and sent her over by herself for a month or two.

I can't wait for the family reunion that my other TGN is arranging, I couldn't bear to miss out on another family gathering (a gathering that 10 years ago I would have probably done anything to avoid) after I missed the launch of Granny's Snake Yarns that my Great Auntie Vida wrote and self-published last year.  We're going to celebrate 100 years since my great grandmother taught at the school my grandmother went to (years and years and years later).  Most of all, it will be wonderful to take Raina to all my favourite places.  We'll actually visit the safe place that I go to in my mind when I'm struggling to cope...

Here she is, the love of our lives...

How do you manage with having long distance grandparents (or indeed being a long distance grandparent)?

*Arty being practically pornographic

Obsession

Because I had to finish work early before giving birth, I discovered that I had some time on my hands.  After finishin Red Dead Redemption in about a week I found myself looking around wondering what next.  Obviously I could have scrubbed the house, but that particular nesting need was yet to kick in.  I started spending a lot of time on the internet, doing nothing much at all.  Actually, I spent most of the day on Pinterest (you can follow me here, btw) lusting over baby products.  Days were slipping through my fingers and I had nothing to show for it except a great relationship with the TNT delivery dude.

I needed to find something to do, and fast.  I waddled over to visit a new (also pregnant) friend one rainy day and she showed me a baby blanket that she was half way through crocheting.  At that moment a light came on in my head and I knew what I would be doing for the next few weeks; making a baby blanket!

Off to the craft store I lumbered and managed to spend the equivalent of a small African nation’s GDP on yarn, then started looking for cool patterns online.  I’ve never been much of a Youtube user in the past, but a whole new world opened up to me in the form of tutorials and patterns.  Before I knew it I was busy making blankets and beanies and booties faster than I could give them away!

All the while, my house was not cleaning itself and I was still waiting for the nesting instinct to kick in.  I decided to leave the mess, as I didn’t want to do a job I so loathed twice and kept crocheting.  I was creating flowers, joining craft sites like Ravelry, and subscribing to awesome crochet channels on Youtube.

My mum arrived from Australia and I was still going strong with the crochet.  Usually I have short bursts of obsessive behaviour and then it peters out after a couple of weeks.  This new phase was showing no signs of subsiding, no matter how empty my bank account was becoming!  Luckily mum was happy (although happy is probably not the right word) to take up my housekeeping slack as my due date came and went with nary a hint of obsessive cleaning/nesting.  I was in a world of crochet.

All of a sudden Raina was born (I was still crocheting through contractions, that's how obsessed I became).  It was then that everybody was certain I would put down the hook and look after my baby, but I couldn’t; I was hooked (see what I did there?).  I was using the precious moments that I should have been resting madly working on a blanket.  I would be banished to my bedroom by my kraamverzorgster (more on that in a later post) for my 12pm nap and I would sneak balls of yarn upstairs to hide under my pillow in case I was caught when I should have been napping!

Then something happened which kicked an already compulsive habit into overdrive.  The Boobie Beanie.  Maarten found an article on geenstijl.nl about a breastfeeding baby hat that was about to go viral and I had to get me a slice of that action!  I looked at the pictures posted and thought that even with my limited newbie skills I would be able to make one easily.  Then the plotting to buy even more yarn began!  I stocked up on pink and cream yarn and figured out my own pattern and it turned out great!  But then of course, I couldn’t just stop at one, so I was obsessively crocheting them one after the other and proceeding to send them all over the place to people with babies.

Here's my first Boobie Beanie (excuse the boob, by that stage I was past discretion!)

So, you’d think that the obsession would have just about worked its way out of my system by then, but no!  I had a photoshoot with Raina and Maarten booked in and I wanted a gorgeous hat for her to wear (not that she needed it as she was born with a head of hair that Stone Cold Steve Austin would die for).  This was the result:

Photo by Rudi Wells

Once I realised that there is only a certain amount of baby hats that one can make, I started looking for new projects.  I started on baby booties, which proved to be a bit of a waste of time as we all know socks and booties do not stay on babies’ feet. So I moved on.  To adult booties!

That’s where I am right now.  I’ve been working on my own pattern to make some Mary Jane slippers out of a couple of enormous balls of yarn that I bought on Queen’s Day and Maarten was so impressed that he put in an order for a pair.  So I’m also trying to make a manlier pair especially for him; ensuring that they match mine.  We are Dutch, after all.

My aweseome Mary Janes

Do you have an obsession?  Ladies with babies, what consumed you in the last weeks of pregnancy? 

More importantly, what should I make next?  I’d love to hear your suggestions and pattern ideas, I really love crochet.  It’s like my meditation...

A Return to Regular Programming....

So you may have noticed that I have been absent for a while.  Almost six months it turns out!  For a while I thought that this blog might have been dead in the water, but pestering from my husband has seen me pull my finger out and try to write something again.

In February I gave birth to a gorgeous little girl who is the light and the bane of my life.  The first few weeks were probably the hardest of my life.  Giving birth was a piece of cake in comparison.  But now we have found our rhythm and are getting along famously.  I’m back at work and a new normalcy is fast becoming established.

And as for my adventures in integration?  Well I think I’m nearly there.  I conquered one of my final frontiers a few weeks ago – going to the doctor and speaking only in Dutch.  Only the hairdresser to go now!  My life is almost completely dutchified.  I look out the window and it’s pouring with rain (in June, of course it is.  Summer is O.V.E.R.) but I didn’t even consider taking the bus.  Not an option.  I even take the baby on the bike in a carrier.  You should have seen me last Friday:  Baby, shopping, flowers and lunch; all on the bike.  Too easy.

I think I’ve moved through to the final stage of culture shock – mastery – and am happier and happier every day.  That’s not to say that I don’t encounter my share of idiots on a daily basis, because I do.  I’ve started an ‘idiot count’ which keeps me entertained on my way to and from work each day on the bike.  The big difference between now and a year ago is that now it entertains me instead of making me want to shoot people!

Before the baby appeared I started to become more involved in the Almere English speaking community International Almere.  In fact, I’m now the organisation’s secretary.  Having said that, in the last few months I have been so wrapped up in my own world that I haven’t had time to do much – not even attend any of the events that happen every single week!  I’m hoping that now I’m back out in the big wide world I can be more involved again as it’s such a fun organisation to be a part of!  So (shameless plug alert!) if you live in Almere, come join us.  You don’t have to be from abroad, almost half our members are dutchies!

Another invaluable resource has been the ABCDE Playgroup.  Not that I’ve had a chance to attend any of their popular Wednesday or Thursday get togethers, but the Facebook group is very lively and it’s wonderful to just know that the support is there whenever I need it.  The fabulous Becky who runs it is also a childbirth educator and helped me no end build my confidence before I went into labour.  I really, truthfully could not have done it without her. But, more about Becky in a later post about the best and worst choices I made while pregnant and after the wee one was born.

So, coming up in the near future:

My birthstory; are you ready to hear all the gory details?

The best (and worst) buys I made for my baby.

The choices I made and the far reaching effects,

Going back to work; good or bad?

My new obsession,

And let’s not forget a Weekendje Weg post (well, a “weekje” weg in this case).

It’s great to be back.  I’ve missed you.

Here she is - she's too big for that outfit now!